Nuclear physics and conversation have a lot in common. Atoms jiggle chaotically like people and sometimes interact with each other and things are “heating up”, says MIT scientist William Isaacs. A person fires a chunk of info, waits for someone else to share another fact, then comes up with more data. Technically, we’ve been chatting since the birth of humankind, but our dialogues are mostly just sequences of monologues: we wait for our partner to stop speaking so that we can impose our own thoughts.
Thinking together
Dialogue is not about getting someone to say yes to one’s ideas, nor a way to solve problems, but to dissolve them, Isaacs says. “We do not merely try to reach agreement, we try to create a context from which many new agreements might come”, he writes in his book Dialogue: The Art Of Thinking Together, which sums up 15 years of research on companies and communities.
Isaacs, a renowned scientist in the field of dialogue, believes that managers, employees, world leaders and common people are often self-absorbed and blind while engaging in discussions. “[Effective] dialogue involves learning to let go of these reactions, and become aware of a flow of new possibilities,” he says.
The scientist believes that most people today don’t remember how to create meaningful conversation. Genuine dialogue almost catches us by surprise when it does truly happen. The trick here is to create it deliberately.
The four cards to bet on
A flop dialogue goes like this: two people have strong opinions about an issue even before they meet to talk. They prepare for the conversation, reinforcing those thoughts in their heads. When they finally come face to face, they state their ideas confidently and put effort into defending them.
“This is the antithesis of dialogue,” Isaacs writes in his book. Going well prepared to a conversation is one of the biggest mistakes one can make, as it cuts the spontaneous interactions and the natural exchange of ideas. It also encourages talking, not listening to what others have to say. Good dialogue happens when people let go of their initial ideas and are willing to truly accept other people’s take.
He believes that an effective dialogue requires a new behavior, build on four pillars.
- Listening. This involves listening not only to others, but to ourselves as well, learning how to get rid of our assumptions, resistance, and reactions.
- Respecting. Hearing out people with different points of view should be welcomed, as they will enrich the conversation. Allow them to express themselves rather than trying to change their viewpoint. “One of the most challenging things a group can learn in a dialogue is to hold the tension that arrives, and not to react to it,” Isaacs says.
- Suspending. We aren’t always completely right. We have to try to suspend our opinions, to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It might gives us a hint that we should change direction.
- Voicing. Dialogue also involves speaking our own voice, and finding our authority on a certain area.
“The digital revolution is giving us connection but not contact. We can send more information to each other, but we’re not necessarily any more capable of sharing understanding, insight, wisdom, or our hearts” William Isaacs says.
The dialogue as a digital tool
Within the digital world, conducting successful dialogue is more important than ever, he says. Such a behavior increases a company’s profit by helping people make better decisions.
To conclude, dialogue is one of the most powerful and accessible tools a person has to both learn and instill knowledge. Having a conversation is an opportunity to learn something new and to expose your know-how – as long as it’s meaningful. Don’t settle for superficial interactions – connect with purpose and enjoy the resourcefulness of exchanging insights with your peers. Knowledge and learning go hand in hand and there’s no better starting point than to ask a question.
Happy Knowledge Sharing!
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